Real Talk Before “I Do”: What Minnesota Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage
Guest Expert Insight: The Real Conversations Couples Need Before the Wedding
You're sitting at Caribou Coffee on a Saturday morning in Minneapolis, scrolling through wedding venues on your phone. Your fiancé is across from you, comparing catering quotes. You've spent three hours debating whether to do a cash bar or open bar. You know exactly what flowers you want and which aunt gets a plus-one.
But have you talked about who's going to do the dishes?
It sounds ridiculous. Trivial, even. But here's the truth that nobody mentions at bridal showers: the hardest part of marriage isn't picking the right person. It's building the right partnership. And right now, Minnesota couples getting married are facing questions their parents never had to answer. Adler Ranch, Alexandria MN wedding venue is thrilled to share this guest blog from Jeff Pankratz Celebrations, Officiating & Counseling. For over 25 years, Jeff has been coming alongside couples to handcraft their personalized ceremony, and help them feel confident about their journey ahead with friendly premarital coaching...and having fun together doing it! Jeff, his bride Anna, and 3 boys; Justus, Jason, and Silas, live in Osakis MN. They love the outdoors, gardening, fishing/hunting, road trips, hosting parties & family fun nights!
Jeff Pankratz Celebrations, Officiating & Counseling.
LET'S BUILD A FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER!
You don't just want 'the guy with the microphone reading a script'. Lets build a great foundation and friendship for not just your wedding day, but for the marriage adventure you're about to begin!
For over 25 years, Jeff has been coming alongside couples to handcraft their personalized ceremony, and help them feel confident about their journey ahead with friendly premarital coaching...and having fun together doing it
To contact Jeff, call/text 320-760-5286
The Landscape Has Changed
Your parents probably knew their roles before they said "I do." Dad worked. Mom might have worked too, but everyone knew who was "supposed" to handle what. The script was written.
That script is gone now.
Today's engaged couples are navigating marriage in a cultural no-man's-land. Half your friends live together before marriage. The other half think that's morally wrong. Some couples plan to split everything 50/50. Others want one person to stay home with future kids. Nobody agrees on what's "normal" anymore.
And the stakes feel impossibly high. You're making decisions about money, home, and future children while student loans loom and starter homes cost $300,000. You love each other deeply. But love doesn't tell you how to split rent or who sacrifices their career when a baby arrives.
This is the real work of engagement. Not the wedding planning—the marriage planning.
Adler Ranch Wedding Venue
Vintage lighted sign collection at Adler Ranch Wedding Venue
What You Need to Hear Right Now
Here it is, plain and simple: The strength of your marriage won't depend on how much you 'feel' in love with each other today. It will depend on how honestly you are able to commit to your partnership when love feels complicated and threatened.
That's not romantic. It's better than romantic. It's true.
The couples who make it aren't the ones who avoid conflict. They're the ones who learn to have the hard conversations before resentment builds. They talk about money before they're fighting about it. They discuss housework before someone's doing all of it. They figure out whose career takes priority before both people are bitter about sacrifices.
You can't avoid these tensions. But you can decide to face them together, right now, before you're legally bound.
Essential Pre-Marriage Conversations for Minnesota Engaged Couples
Premarital conversations about money, division of labor, and future roles help Minnesota engaged couples build stronger, more intentional marriages. Don’t wait until after the wedding to talk through the things that truly matter.
Max Craven Photography
Why This Matters More Than You Think
Let's start with money. Financial stress isn't just stressful—it's corrosive. When one person is a spender and the other's a saver, that's not a personality quirk. It's a foundational incompatibility that needs a plan.
Before you get married, answer this: Are you building a life together or just splitting expenses? Will you have joint accounts or separate ones? Who pays for what? What happens if one of you loses your job?
These aren't hypotheticals. These are scenarios that will happen. And if you haven't talked about them, you're hoping love will magically solve math problems.
Then there's the division of labor. Right now, dating is easy. You each have your own place. Nobody's tracking who vacuumed last or whose turn it is to grocery shop.
Marriage changes that overnight. Suddenly someone has to do the dishes. Someone has to remember your mom's birthday. Someone has to schedule the oil change and meal plan and notice when you're out of toilet paper.
Studies show that even in 2025, women still do more housework than men—even when both work full-time. That creates resentment. Resentment creates contempt. Contempt kills marriages.
So talk about it now. Not in some vague "we'll figure it out" way. Actually talk about who does what. Make a list if you have to. It sounds unromantic, but resentment is way less romantic than a chore chart.
Finally, there's the question of roles. Do you want a traditional marriage or an egalitarian one? Is someone staying home with kids or are you both working? Whose career matters more when someone gets a job offer in another state?
Here's the tricky part: what you want now might change. The woman who swears she'll never be a stay-at-home mom might feel differently when her baby is six weeks old. The man who says he's fine being the primary caregiver might struggle when his friends are all advancing their careers.
You can't predict the future. But you can promise to keep talking when things change.
Essential Pre-Marriage Conversations for Minnesota Engaged Couples
Before Minnesota couples walk down the aisle, the real planning isn’t about flowers — it’s about money, shared responsibilities, and long-term expectations. Honest conversations about finances, housework, and future family roles are the foundation of a healthy, lasting marriage.
Adler Ranch Banquet Barn with nearby Grain Bin Bar
But What About Love?
You might be thinking: "This all sounds so transactional. What happened to marrying your best friend? What about romance?"
Fair question. Here's the answer: talking about hard things doesn't kill romance. Avoiding them does.
The most romantic thing you can do for your partner is take them seriously enough to have uncomfortable conversations. It's saying, "I love you enough to be honest, even when honesty is awkward."
Besides, the couples who skip these conversations don't avoid conflict. They just have it later, when the stakes are higher and the resentment is deeper. Better to disagree about hypothetical housework now than real housework after three years of built-up bitterness.
Some people also worry that planning too much shows a lack of faith—in each other, in God, in love itself. But preparation isn't distrust. It's maturity.
You wouldn't start a business with someone without discussing roles, money, and expectations. Marriage is a bigger commitment than a business. It deserves at least as much planning.
The pre-engagement work that saves you
You wouldn't start a business with someone without discussing roles, money, and expectations. Marriage is a bigger commitment than a business. It deserves at least as much planning.
Marriage is: a daily decision to keep choosing partnership, even when partnership is complicated.
The Work That Saves You
So here's what you do.
Before your wedding day, sit down and have the conversations that matter. Talk about money until you have a real plan. Discuss housework until you both feel heard. Explore your expectations about careers, kids, and whose dreams get priority when you can't both have everything.
Write it down if that helps. Revisit it every year. Let it change as you change.
And here's the key: approach these conversations as teammates, not opponents. You're not trying to win. You're trying to build something together that's stronger than what either of you could build alone.
That's what marriage actually is. Not a wedding day. Not a feeling. It's a daily decision to keep choosing partnership, even when partnership is complicated.
Minnesota winters are long. Your marriage will be longer. The couples who make it aren't the ones who never fight about dishes or money or whose turn it is to get up with the baby.
They're the ones who decided, before they ever said "I do," that they'd rather have hard conversations than easy divorces.
So yes, pick your flowers. Taste the cake. Argue about the seating chart.
But also? Talk about the dishes.
Your marriage will thank you.
Jeff Pankratz Celebrations, Officiating & Counseling
Jeff pours himself into every couple he serves in these 6 ways;
1) Customizing your wedding ceremony
2) Communicating with you and your other wedding helpers
3) Coordinating 2 Ceremony Planning Sessions
4) Facilitating your rehearsal with your wedding party (if you desire one)
5) Helping you get your marriage license from your local county office
6) Wedding day pastoring and officiating
Jeff Pankratz Celebrations, Officiating & Counseling, LET'S BUILD A FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER!
You don't just want 'the guy with the microphone reading a script'. Lets build a great foundation and friendship for not just your wedding day, but for the marriage adventure you're about to begin!
For over 25 years, Jeff has been coming alongside couples to handcraft their personalized ceremony, and help them feel confident about their journey ahead with friendly premarital coaching...and having fun together doing it! Jeff, his bride Anna, and 3 boys; Justus (15), Jason (13) and Silas (10), live in Osakis MN. They love the outdoors, gardening, fishing/hunting, road trips, hosting parties & family fun nights!
Jeff pours himself into every couple he serves in these 6 ways
1) Customizing your wedding ceremony with you to best reflect your guys love story, personality, and “who you guys are”, including 2 half hour Ceremony Planning Sessions.
2) Communicating with you and your other wedding helpers, responding to messages within 24 hours, from here until your wedding day. You can contact Jeff with any issues you may be having.
3) Coordinating 2 Ceremony Planning Sessions, that best match your schedule, with topics that will build a foundation for your marriage. (If Premarital Coaching is desired, this happens during that.)
4) Facilitating your rehearsal with your wedding party (if you desire one) wherever you and your bridal party would like to host the rehearsal (homes, restaurants, venues, etc).
5) Helping you get your marriage license from your local county office, including providing a notarized Premarital Sessions Completion Letter to qualify for a discount on your marriage license application.
6) Wedding day pastoring and officiating, to serve you, your bridal party and families- officiating your ceremony and guiding your wedding guests after your ceremony to your reception.
Contact Jeff for more information: Text/Call: 320-760-5286
FB Page: www.facebook.com/jpcelebrations
Instagram: www.instagram.com/jeffpankratzcelebrations/
Email: cmcmovement@gmail.com
Adler Ranch Wedding Venue
Adler Ranch is an independently owned wedding venue, located two hours from both Minneapolis MN and Fargo ND near Alexandria MN
Real Talk Before “I Do”: What Minnesota Engaged Couples Should Discuss Before Marriage
Adler Ranch Wedding Venue, MN Wedding Venue
When you celebrate your wedding with us, you’ll experience the care, dedication, and attention to detail that only an independently owned, family-run venue can offer
At Adler Ranch, we take pride in being an independently owned and operated wedding venue, nestled in the picturesque lakes area of Alexandria, MN. When you celebrate your wedding with us, you’ll experience the care, dedication, and attention to detail that only a family-run venue can offer. Every detail of your day is handled with the intention to make it as extraordinary as your love story. Hosting only a limited number of weddings each season allows us to provide the personalized attention and intentional moments that make your celebration unforgettable.
What truly sets Adler Ranch apart is our unparalleled collection of vintage signs—treasures we’ve lovingly gathered over 35 years. This carefully curated collection adds a unique charm, character and history to your wedding day, offering a backdrop like no other venue in the area. The signs tell their own story, creating the perfect setting for capturing memories that will last a lifetime and offering a setting for wedding photography like none other.
For more wedding inspiration, planning tips, and engagement advice, be sure to follow Adler Ranch on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, and TikTok. Let’s make your dream day a reality! 💕Thanks for visiting! ~Marlys
We are thrilled to support wedding venue owners from around the country with a weekly shout-out in our blog: Locally owned wedding venues: Wedding Venue Owners Adler Ranch near Alexandria Minnesota The Felt Estate Somos Family Weddings & Events The Hidden Abby Willow Sky Ranch
